I wish people treated Pancake Day like they do Christmas. I wish there was a two-month-long wind up, with pancake-flavoured things, lemon and sugar-scented candles, festive spatulas, the works - all while songs about how brilliant pancakes are play merrily in the background.
Alas, it is not to be, for Pancake Day is, and will always be, the day slightly after Valentine's where we manage to screw up incredibly basic recipes and still put on weight.
In other news about people messing things up, what about all this stuff about The Order 1886? Such promise, such potential, such incredible facial hair - what's not to be excited about? But despite hype being at an all-time high for the steampunky Victorian shooter, once the embargo lifted, there were so many sixes being thrown around that I thought for a second I might have been watching a crap episode of Strictly Come Dancing (that's the British version of Dancing with the Stars for all you US readers).
So, what went wrong? Early Twitter mumblings suggested that its length was lacking (ooh er, matron), but for others that didn't seem to be the main issue, with most agreeing that quality over quantity is more than acceptable in a time where most people can't afford to spare the 100+ hours required by many modern games. Many reviews noted the game's "sumptuous looks", illustrated by its luscious moustaches, its gleaming gold and a generous attempt at capturing a cinematic look with film grain and softly-lit scenes.
Right, so that's all good stuff. Why the sixes? Well, turns out that cinematic is great when you're in a cinema, but not when you want to play games. Unskippable cutscenes, quick time events and a focus on aesthetic quality over quantity of literally any kind of fun seems to have let the game down a bit. Good news for some, though - the game features at least one dangling wang. Equality at last!
Space is pretty much the coolest. All those planets, spaceships and Spocks floating about (as is my understanding of the Star Trek universe). That's why the remastered editions of intergalactic strategy classics Homeworld and Homeworld 2 have got me more excited than Captain Klingon at a Wookie convention.
Gearbox spat out a lovely new 4K trailer this week so the 1% can get a proper impression of how gorgeous it's going to look, while the rest of you peasants watch it through a hazy mixture of 1080p and your own tears.
The Homeworld Collection launches on February 25 on PC, and I'm sure to be on it faster than Kathryn Janeway's podracer!
And if space isn't your thing, go and carve up some dinosaurs in the new Monster Hunter, which is apparently rather swell. Whatever. We don't care how you spend your free time.
Shall we end on a positive note? Nintendo are having a great week, with the release Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, an adorable, brightly coloured claymation platformer, and Pokemon Shuffle, the company's latest foray into free-to-play.
Pokemon Shuffle is a cute match-three game in the vein of Candy Crush or Bejewelled, but with the recognisably cheerful faces of Pokemon. Match three or more to damage the wild Pokemon on the top screen, but run out of hearts and you'll have to exchange real money to get them back. It's not exactly Nintendo's best game, but within the realm of free-to-play it ticks all the right boxes - cute, accessible, addictive. Plus, it's always exciting to see what Nintendo are going to try next, right?
