OnePlus is rushing a new phone to your side – if you live in the UK, and specifically London – with a promise that if it takes longer than an hour to arrive it'll be free.
Tomorrow (January 21) you'll be able to get a OnePlus 2 or OnePlus X delivered by concierge to a central London location, for one day only – and if the courier takes more than an hour to get to you, your phone will be entirely free.
Henchman is the company delivering the phones to your doorstep, and the service will only run in central London. So we've had a little think about how you could slow your courier down – and get yourself a nice new OnePlus phone for free.
Obviously you're not allowed to injure them in the process, but here are a few ideas…
1. Knock out GPS
If we take down all the GPS satellites serving London, the courier is much less likely to make it to your location. They'll have to whip out the emergency paper map – and no-one remembers how to use those things any more.
NB: we have literally no idea how to do this. Put up a big GPS shield or something?
2. Quickly set up a marathon
The London Marathon brings the entire city to a standstill every year, and even the speediest courier is going to struggle to get to you if every road they try to go down is clogged with joggers in fancy dress.
3. Use your house boat
You need a proper address to receive a OnePlus courier delivery, so why not use that canal boat your mate owns? Simply take it out into the middle of the water for an hour-long spin – technically your address won't have actually changed.
This won't work if the courier is really, really good at throwing.
4. Melt tarmac around them
This is possibly our most complicated and dastardly scheme. First we need to work out where the courier office is, and then get some industrial heaters so we can melt all the tarmac near it.
No way are those bikes getting through that – but we accept that it's a very difficult scenario to manage, and the cost of the heaters MIGHT outweigh the price of the phone.
5. Santa flash mob
You knew there was a reason you didn't put the Santa outfit in the loft yet. You and your friends can stage a Santa flash mob right by your house to stop the courier from entering your road.
Options to make it seem legitimate would include: cheeky Santa burlesque, Santa Sumo wrestling and musical Santa statues.
6. Hire a combine of mimes
Everyone is terrified of mimes. Hire a combine of the silent terrors, and get them to surround the courier depot. If it works, no one will be paying for their OnePlus.
If they're good enough, the couriers won't even leave the building as they'll think it's too windy outside.
7. Stage a 'crime scene'
For this idea you will need chalk and some tape. Simple. Rig up your scene right at the end of your road, hire a few friends to act as muscle and say "please move along sir" and you're done.
Key point here: do not pretend to be members of law enforcement. Just make it look like 'something's going on'... Brits can't help but bow to perceived authority.
8. Dress up like them and pretend you're them from the future
This one requires you to find out a few details about your delivery driver when they set off.
First: make yourself up to look like them but a lot older, like you've been through an apocalypse.
Then run up to them at the traffic lights yelling that if they don't stop now, the world is going to change - for the worse - forever.
Or if you're lucky enough to look a little like them already they're bound to stop when you run past in your underwear screaming you have an important message to tell them about their future.
