It was only last week we were shaking our heads over news of a Twitter app for dogs - now we have another one.
At least maker Mattel isn't bothering to pretend its "Puppy Tweets" device is a proper dog interpretation solution. Instead it's admitting that the toy, which tracks your dog's motion and any sounds it makes, simply serves up one of 500 pre-programmed Tweets whenever your pet moves, barks or licks... something.
According to the LA Times, one such pre-prepared dog tweet is "I bark because I miss you. There, I said it. Now hurry home" which would be triggered and posted to Twitter after a frenzied session of woofing.
TWOOFER: "Cat proceeding northbound on Sycamore Avenue, all units intercept"
Puppy Tweets only connects via Wi-Fi, though, so only the dog's in-house pretend thoughts will be uploaded. The US Amazon listing suggests Puppy Tweets will cost around £25. So just burn £25 now and forget about it.
Smoke signals
CannabisApps is a seemingly innocent and medically focused iPhone app designed to help people find suppliers of "Medical" cannabis in parts of the US where medicinal cannabis use is allowed if you've struck it lucky and got a very forward-thinking doctor.
Or, if it has all gone wrong and you're in a cell at 2.30am after trying to buy half an Oxo cube from an undercover policeman, the app will point you to the nearest attorney who specialises in cannabis-related crimes.
MEDICAL EMERGENCY:"I've got a student here in dire need of something to help him sleep"
And don't worry if you're not in the US, either - CannabisApps will direct you to the nearest legal seller in Amsterdam, Canada, Australia and Spain, with the app caringly pointing you toward your local self-help support group if you're stuck in a place where it's 100 per cent illegal to get high no matter how much your knee is aching today.
Originally launching for $2.99, CannabisApps is now up on iTunes for free. They've presumably changed to a revenue model based around selling grams on the street.
*Takes off glasses, shakes out hair*
New IT Support Barbie was unveiled at the recent New York Toy Fair, and looks set to bring women's toys bang up to the... 1970s. Boasting a predictably pink mini laptop (looks like something from Asus), glasses (nice bit of geek stereotyping) and a bluetooth headset, Barbie is now all set to... work in a low-level call centre role. It's what all modern girls should aspire to.
According to the BBC, new Hot Geek Barbie came into being thanks to an online internet poll to decide which career path the nipple-free bimbo should take next, with the position of "Computer Engineer" eventually winning out. She's even got a watch. It's digital, because she finds ones with hands a bit hard.
Jem Vacuum-Hands
BBC presenter Jem Stansfield has become a bit of an internet hero of late, thanks to a bizarre contraption he's made (or had the BBC props department make for him) out of vacuum cleaner parts.
No, it's nothing rude. This is the BBC. He's been using suction power to climb buildings, with his invention attaching two vacuum cleaner motors to a couple of suction pads, then using the resulting "Vacuum Gloves" to climb walls.
For the benefit of those of you reading this on a proper computer, here's a video of Jem climbing a wall using vacuum power, taken from Bang Goes the Theory - a BBC science show he co-hosts.
HUMAN FLY: Next week - a hovercraft powered by a Dyson Airblade
