You, having your finger on the PULSE, will know that tech show IFA is going on at the moment. It's in Berlin, and everyone's having a great time looking at sat navs and pretending to be excited about new TVs that make our old TVs look ordinary, thereby bringing into question our very manhood.
But there's only one stand-out feature at IFA - Miss IFA. Just like it did last year, the event organiser has dressed a woman in a red wig, declared her Miss IFA and made her stand in a field pretending to have fun with a wide range of products.
Check out the Miss IFA press archive - over 100MB of photos of a lady being enthusiastic about modern technology. Here's a favourite - Miss IFA literally kissing a Petra electric coffee machine:
I KISS YOU: "Now lick my froth nozzle"
This set us off on the trail of the mundane. What's the most boring gadget to be shown at IFA this year? Everyone covers cool TVs, fashionable laptops and mobiles, but what about the rest? What about the washing machines?
Who covers the washing machines?
You've got to pity the washing machine companies. It must be hard getting a washing machine over to Germany, and after all that fuss and heavy lifting no one reports on the bloody things.
TomTom can bring its new products over in a coat pocket. Netbooks are no trouble, and even TVs are easy to carry nowadays. But washing machines? Nightmare. So here, for the benefit of LG, is a photograph of its latest washer, which features Inverter Direct Drive technology to bring an 11kg wash capacity to a standard 24-inch machine footprint.
VERY BRAVE: Thanks. Now put it back on the lorry, ladies
And, to clue you in on how we work around here, that got us looking for washing machines in the news. Surely something funny has happened involving a washing machine?
Yes, there's some great washing machine news out there. "Endal the Wonder Dog" could load a washing machine, a washing machine caused a traffic accident in Omaha, and a (probably different) washing machine was also implicated in a house fire. Washing machines are never far from the top of the news agenda.
You may also like E4's washing machine emulator if Friday's already starting to drag.
ALSO JUST IN: Petrol station robbed by gas hob
In other household appliance news, LG also took its Roboking to IFA, offering users the chance to once again get sad about how rubbish robot vacuum cleaners still are.
There are times when, just like piloting an aeroplane, there needs to be a human involved in the process, someone able to judge the situation objectively. Vacuuming the house is one such time. What would Roboking do if it sucked up a sock? How would Roboking extract an elastic band from its wheel?
It wouldn't have a clue. There's not much point in having an automatic vacuum cleaner if you have to follow it around the house and perform Heimlich manoeuvres on the thing every couple of metres.
NEXT WEEK: The latest in tin openers
