There's a famous Louis CK sketch in which the red-headed social commentator points out what a bunch of ungrateful so-and-sos (he uses a different word) this generation is for daring to complain about smartphones.
"We have this beautiful thing and we hate it. Even the s***tiest cellphone, is a miracle," he says. "Why are you so mad at it?"
As we often catch ourselves violently stabbing the touchscreen of our super-powerful, handheld telephone, internet device, games console, media player and navigation tool for responding more than a millisecond after our sweet caress, it's hard to argue with the popular comedian's assessment.
Tech has brought us such a long way, and we give thanks to the silicon gods every day.
Louis is right, we should smell the roses. But, come on, is there really any excuse for these infuriating tech-related problems to still exist?
1. Tangled headphone cables
How about just once, we could pull a pair of cans or buds out of our bags without spending half an hour unravelling the cables? It's a problem that several audio manufactures have attempted to resolve, but most just gave up and by-passed the cables completely thanks to a little Bluetooth magic.
The budget Zipbuds, do the trick by literally zipping them up, but make the experience cumbersome. The a-JAYS One+ earphones employ springy flat cables to 'resist' tangles, but no one has found a real way to ease the frustration.
Don't get us started on those Apple EarPods either.
2. Changing email addresses
As funny as it sounded at the time, the email address TurdyMcTurdles@lamemail.com looks bad on a CV. The trouble is, it's easier to actually move house than it is to change email addresses and maintain all of your correspondences.
Updating every online account you have takes forever, as does safeguarding all of your files and making sure everyone who emails you has access to the new address. The reality is, you're never free of an old email address. There's always the temptation to login every couple of months just to ensure you've not missed something important, like a message from a long-lost friend, or bank telling you you've been defrauded. How else do you think Hotmail was able to keep going for so long?
3. Proper all-day smartphone battery life
In trying to solve the conundrum regarding iOS 7 and crippled iPhone 5 battery efficiency we stumbled across a really helpful online feature. "Just try using it less," it advised. Geniuses! Why didn't we think of that?
However, even without a new OS to sap the cell, the full HD 5-inch screens, quad-core processors, console-quality games and turn-by-turn GPS mean most well-used handsets are begging for a refill after a tough 8-hour shift. Is it really that hard to make them better? We've still got a Nokia 3210 in the office that's been switched on since 1999.
4. Pick 'n' Mix television
Isn't ludicrous that with omnipresent streaming portals and on-demand options that simply obtaining our favorite TV channels necessitates paying for about 500 that we don't want?
"Need Sky Sports, Sir? Here's the Bio channel too! Here you can watch Real Housewives of Atlanta re-runs all day." Thanks! Sadly, this isn't technology's problem, but that of an antiquated subscription model that current technology will eventually crush to smithereens. However, we won't get there until an entire generation of Rupert Murdochs shuffle off this mortal coil.
5. A-zombie Flash
We think we've figure out the best halloween costume and it's a cracker! We're going as Adobe Flash, because no matter how hard the world tries, it just won't die.
The Michael Myers of web technology was savaged by Steve Jobs, banned from iOS and hell, even Adobe doesn't like it that much anymore. The real reason flash still hangs around crashing our computers, gobbling up our RAM and forcing us into updates at every turn and inhibiting our mobile experiences is because of HMTL5 has failed to assume the throne. We're not angry, we're just disappointed.
