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Bad romance: how to take control of your dating data and avoid a clinch from a cyberstalker
If you didn’t know already, now you do – it’s Data Privacy Week (January 27 to 31)! The brainchild of the National Cybersecurity Alliance, it aims to arm you with everything you need to spot and avoid the biggest risks to your data privacy and “Take control of your data”.
The wonderful, and often weird, world of dating is tricky enough to navigate in person – but online, there are some unique risks to your privacy to keep in mind. Some folks aren’t interested in your love. They just want your identifiable details.
Unfortunately, dating apps are a breeding ground of cybercriminals. A Kaspersky report found that 23% of respondents had experienced some form of online stalking during their online dating escapades.
These crooks use information users had shared in earnest to fuel scams, and pinpoint victims. So, with that in mind, and to celebrate Data Privacy Week, I’ve shared some of my top tips on how to spot a cyber stalker before they break your heart and your credit rating too.
How to minimize the risk of digital stalking
There are plenty of things you can do to minimize the risk of cyberstalking – and adopting just a few of them will help keep you and your data secure. (No guarantees that they'll help you find love, though.)
- Conceal your location information. It’s frustrating, sure, especially if you’re trying to find local matches, but this info is often the first thing that cyberstalkers look for.
- Use an alias. You don’t have to go full State’s witness here, but even a slight differentiation to your real name can prevent stalkers from finding you across your social media platforms, preventing them from narrowing their search for you.
- Don’t get too specific. This one might feel redundant, but play it smart. Don’t share details about where you live, your family members, or anything else a stalker could use to hunt you down. This includes images that contain even the smallest snippets of personal information.
- Don’t use the same picture. I get it – that one selfie you took on vacation is your magnum opus (we all have one), but if you use it for your dating profile and your social media accounts, you’re giving cyberstalkers a huge billboard to follow. Committed stalkers ransack social media profiles to learn all they can about their potential victims.
- Adjust your social media settings. It’s well worth tweaking your privacy settings across the likes of Facebook, X, and Instagram. Opt out of being discoverable via search engines, if possible, and don’t link your accounts to your dating profile.
- Don’t share your passwords. This one’s obvious, but don’t give strangers any login credentials, even if they ask oh-so-nicely. Make sure your passwords are strong, unique, and don’t repeat them across accounts. Also, use multi-factor authentication wherever it’s available.
- Use a VPN. Today’s best VPNs are a must-have tool for anyone who values their online privacy. They’re nice and easy to use, conceal your online activity from would-be snoopers, and can even help you access geo-restricted streaming content for when the dating scene gets you down – or when that third rewatch of Loki is calling your name.
How to spot a cyberstalker
Unfortunately, as is the case with all sorts of modern cyberscams, the crooks behind them are getting better and better at stringing people along. The same applies to romance fraud. In fact, according to the FTC, romance scams cost consumers a whopping $1.14 billion in 2023. Ouch.
With that in mind, here are some of the biggest, boldest red flags that could indicate that you’re dealing with a digital stalker.
1. They’re especially controlling
The feeling of clicking with someone and sharing a ton of interests is awesome – and often a great sign when we’re talking about online dating. However, things can take a dark turn if your special someone begins to dictate what you do, who you see, or even what you say. That’s not love, it’s manipulation, and could indicate that the person has developed an unhealthy obsession.
If you feel as though someone is threatening your autonomy or trying to cut you away from your support network, they probably don’t have your best interests at heart.
2. They don’t respect your boundaries
This one’s a biggie. If the person you’re talking to is coming on way too strong or asking a ton of probing questions, well, it’s a good idea to step away. This is especially true if your date seems very interested in your personal details, your financial situation, or past relationships.
A barrage of questioning can leave victims feeling totally overwhelmed, and point to a scammer who’s trying to case their victim.
If you have even the slightest suspicion about someone you’re chatting to, it’s better not to wait. Cyberstalking can be reported to the police, and should be if the concern is urgent, or you can reach out to the customer service department of your dating app.
3. They want to take the conversation elsewhere
Most of the time, our online dating adventures take place over an app or site, so we’ve got a single central location where we can meet new folks and manage ongoing conversations. More importantly, these apps and sites have all the tools you need to moderate your communications and escalate things to customer service if you feel uncomfortable.
So, if your possible beau seems overly keen to pivot to a different messaging service, well, you’ve got cause to be wary. There’s often less oversight, for a start. It’s well worth cutting off anyone who goes out of their way to send you a connection request on another messaging app – as it could indicate that they’ve already done a spot of stalking to find your profile.
4. They’re acting erratically
Look, we all have bad days and we all get worn down, but if the person you’re talking to consistently experiences erratic mood swings, it’s a definite bad sign.
Unpredictable behavior could lead to stalking - especially if you’re dealing with someone who offers oodles of affection one moment and then seems totally ornery the next. In the same vein, anyone making unrealistic or unreasonable demands isn’t someone you’ll want to get involved with. Small, seemingly innocuous events can turn into larger problems (like online stalking) if they happen regularly.
5. They try to find you in person
Okay, this one’s a no-brainer, but if someone you’ve connected with online turns up at your place of work, where you live, or a regular hangout spot, without a clear invitation, that’s a huge red flag. Consent is everything – and it could indicate that they’ve been monitoring your movements and knew exactly when and where to find you.
